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Groove Cruise X: 11 Secrets Revealed

Groove Cruise X: 11 Secrets Revealed

On Thursday, January 30, a close-knit clique of 2,700 costumed crazies ascended Groove Cruise X for its 10th Anniversary. Over the course of four nights on the epic Norwegian Pearl, which set sail to Cozumel, plenty of scantily clad secrets were revealed. Melodysiac was invited to be a ‘fly on the wall’ at this yearly celebration of EDM at sea, and obviously, we took notes. So, join us as we rehash 11 ridiculous things we learned while popping our Groove Cruise cherry… All aboard!

1. If you smuggled liquor, chances are, you did get caught – Funny story… Remember that time when your roommate and you attempted to smuggle four boxes of wine onboard via two cases of water? You should have known at the time, cruise security has truly seen it all. So, once you went through the motions and realized you were $100-plus in the hole with two pimp cups and no crooked booze to fill them, Plan B kicked into gear. You went to the nearest open room on your deck, where LEDs were sparkling and beats were thumping, and attempted to slyly hijack your neighbor’s stash. But, all six feet of said neighbor were hiding in thin air, somehow figured out your M.O. and blew your cover. Don’t worry, he shared – more than just his lukewarm bottle of sparkling vino.

2. A casino partner (preferably middle-aged) was oh-so necessary – So, once you had your fill of free booze and frisky company, you felt the need to play some cards and toss around a few Benjamins. There, you threw down around $100 to play blackjack. (Remember; you were already $100 in the hole from your loss of adult grape juice.) If you were lucky, you broke even, or stumbled away with a few extra chips. If you were smart, you buddied up to a slightly older divorced gentleman who spotted you until you tripled your buy-in. It was all about stacks on stacks on stacks – and earning some extra loot to throw down on bottles, of course.

3. Not even Wonder Woman could fend off the gropers – When night two fell, and the freaks came out to play, shit got weird. You broke out that Wonder Woman costume – you know, the one you wore so damn well during those senior year college Halloween festivities. Of course, you didn’t forget the red gloves, cape and matching fishnets – oh and the extra cleavage, too. No matter how fantastic you felt, mark my words – YOU DID GET GROPED – repeatedly. In a corner by the bar, on the dance floor, in the bathroom, at the restaurant, in plain sight. You allowed it, because you liked Batman, his six pack and the mystery of his masked identity.

4. What happened on GCX (hopefully) stayed on GCX – Just like on any other cruise, there was bound to be debauchery. Add in a reckless helping of booze, 2,700 wild and crazy EDM fanatics and 96 hours of nonstop dance party bangers, and you were sure to finagle your way into some mischief. You may not remember everything, but if you had a shameful flashback, you made a pit stop at the GCX Confessional. And, if you were unfortunate enough to recall the most embarrassing thing you did the night before, you simply blocked it out with more bar behavior. The laws of attraction were in full effect at sea, but the best part was – there were no consequences. You shacked up with a perfect stranger (or a familiar face) and let all accountability sink to the bottom of the deep blue.

5. You embraced all house heads, no questions asked – It was a funny thing to be trapped on a boat with so many entertaining nutjobs. And, you didn’t get a pass on being “cray,” either. No matter how normal you thought you were, you packed two duffels filled with costumes, glitter, glowsticks, bubbles and toys more socially acceptable for toddlers to play with than a bunch of 20-somethings. So, you kept your judgments to yourself. Sure, there were more fake tits and juice heads than at the AVN Awards, and the chick next to you was pretty much grinding on Pauly D’s cousin’s dick, but you were the one wearing see-through lingerie, a fake blonde wig and knee-high boots on fetish night while Cedric Gervais channeled electronic sex through the speakers, thanks to another Lana Del Rey hit.

6. You made at least one new friend each day – On Groove Cruise, it was inevitable you’d network with like-minded scenesters – and even a couple of mermaids. Even though you may not remember 92 percent of the people you met, at least you knew you had a great time, and that’s because you accumulated at least three to five phone numbers written on stained bar napkins, followed a random group of Instagram handles at some point in time and found two soggy, salty business cards in your bikini top. If not, how beneficial it is that you’re a social media whore with expert stalking skills.

7. When it doubt, make it rain (Clicquot) – “I’m so sick of being sprayed in the face with Clicquot,” said no one on Groove Cruise, ever. It was amazing to witness the height of fun a group of adults could reach with a $100 bottle of Veuve while COCODRILLS eased Bone Thugs and Biggie samples into flowing tech-house hums. Showering friends in Andre or some bullshit Asti Spumante? Hell no! It’s the middle of winter everywhere else in the country, and bubbly shots to the eye were a celebratory gesture in honor of the warm, tropical sunshine.

8. You eventually gave into the wrist candy collectibles – When Groove Cruise offered you the chance to party in Mexico for a few hours at an all-you-can-drink beach bash, you went – all in. Because it was floaty day, you grabbed your inflatable toucan, wrapped it around your waist and drank like a fish while you waded in the salty sea. Once you had your fill, you took a dip poolside, where you schmoozed with seemingly normal Miami kids who gifted you with beaded rave bracelets that said “FUCK” and “Good Dick.” At the time, it seemed so fitting. You made plans to see them at ULTRA, so now you have no choice but to wear those extra special ID beads again, come March.

9. The Super Bowl was overrated – You bought buckets and buckets of beer, and had a chance to grab a few squares for some side action during the big game. Even though you were decked out in your shameful home team’s gear (you know, the one that choked before the playoffs), and were annoyed to death by taunting Jets fans, you danced to the booming rise-and-fall of Michael Woods before you decided a nap was much more enticing than watching two football teams you didn’t give one shit about in the first place. Who needed a Bruno Mars halftime show when you were on a boat with 50 DJs, anyway? You rested up and got your shit together, girl, because Markus Schulz was playing a six-hour set, and if you couldn’t make it there for the grand finale, you were just a plain Groove Cruise Loser.

10. You danced like a golden god – When it was late at night and you felt like outing your inner dance diva, you strutted to the theatre to check out George Acosta, Brass Knuckles and the obvious headliners, so you could have the most authentic GC experience possible. Once the hubris kicked in, you mounted the armrests of the chair behind you, and shook your ass for all to see. You flailed your arms like you were an EDM angel that was put on the boat to spread infectious, feel-good energy to all surrounding. And, when Markus Schulz nodded in your direction, he was really subliminally abducting you into his dance religion cult. You willingly surrendered – and liked it.

11. As you departed from GCX, you vowed to rage more – And then, all of a sudden, it was Monday morning, and the boat was docked. It was time to disembark, and get back to reality. Which essentially meant you were due back in the office at 9 a.m., with or without a four-day hangover. As you exited the ship and hopped into a cab outside the Port of Miami, you made a promise to yourself that you’d do more of that in the future. Whatever that was… Whether it was an escape from your cubicle, a place to let loose with no inhibitions, or an outlet where you could be your alter ego free of skeptical stares, you swore to do it again – and soon. After all, you’re family now. And if you don’t believe us, we’re sure Jason will gladly send you a certificate of induction!

-Tracy Block


Photos by Melodysiac © 2014 



February 11th, 2014

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